THERE'S NO relationship that's as topsy turvy as the one a woman shares with the mirror on the wall. The ever-changing equation, in its extreme, can cause mood swings, depression and send one to a nip 'n' tuck expert.
A new book called, Face It, says it can even spur an existential crisis. Admitting to appearance changes with age can be painful for women in this youth-obsessed world.
Am I putting on weight? Am I losing colour from my face? Do I look old? How do I get rid of the creases on my face? These aren't questions that are considered vain anymore as more people resort to every available modern technique to turn back the clock.
The journey from 'prime to has-been' is a fairly short walk these days, with the older end sprinting in the opposite direction. Thirty is the new twenty, forty the new thirty and so on.
After years of counselling patients, two model-turned psychotherapists in New York have come out with this book, which they say is a sort of a guide for women who are struggling with changing looks as they get older.
Dr Vivian Diller and Dr Jill Muir-Sukenick argue in Face It that changing looks can be no less daunting than dealing with a financial loss, a demotion at work or a divorce for women. Dread about growing older isn't about vanity per se, but has more to do with a loss of potential and questioning one's place in the world. It can lead to depression, alcohol abuse or sleep disorders.
Trivialising the writers' argument may amount to ignoring the stark reality around us. Plastic surgery has almost become a lunch-break medical procedure in the West, and India isn't far behind.
Dr Monisha Kapoor, plastic surgeon at the Safdarjung Hospital, says, "Some of my patients in their late 30s or 40s are mortified about their changing looks. It's extremely difficult for them to accept certain natural changes like wrinkles, loss of colour, lines and creases on the face and other ageing signs in the body. Despite most of these procedures being quite painful, they are willing to give it one, or at times, several shots."
Madhavi Advani, director of Teenage Digest, a teen magazine, says, "Ageing is definitely on a woman's mind a lot more these days. If in a friends circle, one person starts to show signs of ageing before others, she may suddenly become more conscious about it." A jab here and a lift there to hold on to the years may not seem such a bad idea then.
ONE OF Dr Kapoor's patients, Mina Khanna (name changed), has gone through a liposuction, a brow lift and reduction mammoplasty, and isn't in a mood to stop.
Dr Kapoor says, "She says her face was more beautiful five years ago and she wants to get that youthful look back. "If Hema Malini can still look so good, why can't I?' - that's her argument." The demand for plastic surgery has gone up manifold in Delhi among women in their mid 40s. A bit of pain has never been a problem for women to bear if the reflection in the mirror is a better one.
Take high heels, for instance. Wearing them on a regular basis isn't exactly comfortable, but women have got used to it over the decades.
Dr Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist, points out that what seems to be a dangerous trend is that people aren't questioning the need for major surgeries. It's mostly out of fear of losing out to someone younger - be it at work or in terms of getting attention from a loved one.
"There are so many young people who have gone through breast-augmentation in my clinic," says Dr Kapoor. "They actually gain confidence after the procedure. They tell me they feel far more confident going out with their enhancements than they did earlier."
Beauty has been reduced to Hollywood's and Bollywood's so-called perfect measurements, leaving no room for differing bone structures that may make it impossible for everyone to get an hourglass figure or chiselled facial features.
Seema Khanna (name changed), in her late 40s, says she felt a high after a laser treatment because her skin started appearing far cleaner and younger after almost a decade. That gave her the courage to go for a brow-lift, and then a face-lift.
The end result however was disappointing, as with each procedure her skin tightened but her original face got left out somewhere at the surgery table. "It can get addictive. I have promised myself not to feel bad anymore. My husband started to freak out after my face-lift."
But not every woman can keep themselves grounded amidst this barrage of messages screaming 'look good, feel younger'. Billboards, magazines and television have young women with airbrushed bodies and Photoshopped faces staring at women, telling them, "You can be me if you buy this or that."
Anti-ageing cream ads show middle-aged women drawing attention of their spouses by applying those creams and looking younger. It's obviously not easy to escape the Call of the Young.
Sangeeta Welinkar, additional director general, image & look of the 2010 Commonwealth Games, says, "Ageing gracefully is definitely quite a challenge in our times. But it's more prevalent in a certain social circle where glamour is essential."
Dr Chulani feels it's essential to de-glamourise glamour and not fall into the pseudo-reality of a young world as projected by the media. "The faster we do that the better off we shall be. I have come across women well in their 40s wanting to look like teenagers. It's not physical reconstruction but an attitudinal one that's needed," she says.
Advani, though, is quite grounded when it comes to her looks in her late 30s. "I got married at 21 and have practically grown up with my two kids. Life's changed a lot in the last two decades. Our mothers had a very different psychology. They thought once the kids grew up, it was all about them, with parents taking a back-seat. That's not the case with us."
Women have a life outside their family today, whether they are working or not. "I would say I am a far more confident person nearing 40 than I was at 20. I like the age I see on my face. I have enjoyed my journey thoroughly and don't want to hold back anything forcibly. But that doesn't mean I don't look after myself or wear make-up, exercise or even indulge myself at the spa at times," says Advani.
After all, it's just about having the good sense to know the difference between being well turned-out and looking young.
Source:http://in.news.yahoo.com
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